


The big confession

by My_Evak_Heart



Series: ELIOTT + LUCAS [31]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 06:46:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Evak_Heart/pseuds/My_Evak_Heart
Summary: Eliott makes a big announcement





	The big confession

Eliott’s hair were the softest, according to Lucas, and he loved running his hands trough it. After getting a text from Eliott asking-  _begging_  Lucas to come over, Lucas had asked Mrs. Savari if he could use the bathroom…and never came back. Leaving school ground without getting caught by the guard had been tricky but, Lucas succeeded and took the first bus to Eliott’s place.

When Lucas made it to Eliott’s building, he was was met by a dead-looking Eliott. His skin was gray and he had dark circles under his tired looking eyes. He explained to Lucas that he was feeling off and might have caught some virus. Lucas had offered to make him some soup - he was such a sweetheart - but, Eliott wasn’t hungry. So, they sat on the couch, Eliott’s head on Lucas’s lap and he carded his slim fingers through the wispy light brown locks.

Beside looking deadly, Eliott wasn’t sick. He had no coughing nor nose blowing…and definitely no fever.

“Eliott?”

He hummed ever so softly.

“You didn’t catch any virus, did you?” Lucas asked carefully, causing Eliott to tense. “I  _know_ something is up. You don’t have to tell me but…know that you can talk to me. I-I’m here.”

They stayed like that for a while, with Lucas just playing with Eliott’s hair and Eliott trying to feel a little better. He didn’t dare say a word to Lucas, knowing that as soon as he opened his mouth, his eyes would fill with tears.

When he got like this, there was something about his state of mind that was absolutely inexplicable. The sadness that he felt could not be explained, there was no reason behind it and most of the time it would take him days to be able to even get out of bed. This was the first time that he had a depressive episode since he got together with Lucas, and now, he felt like he was living a lie by not telling Lucas what was really going on.

Eliott opened his mouth, about to spill everything when Lucas’s phone buzzed, disturbing the couple’s quiet ambiance. Lucas awkwardly reached for his phone, trying to not disturb Eliott from his position. “Do you need to go?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s Arthur. He picked up my stuff from class.”

“You left class for me? I don’t want you to miss class for me…”

“It’s 2pm on a Wednesday, where did you think I was?”

This is exactly the kind of thing that worried Eliott. If Lucas knew about his mental Illness he would constantly have to give up so much of himself just for Eliott. He would have to take care of him and Eliott was sick and tired of being treated like a child. Yes, he was fragile during these episodes but, all he needed was his boyfriend cuddling him, not being overprotective all the time.

He sighed and sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and keep his eyes down. He didn’t know how Lucas would react, he didn’t know if he would want to break up or if he would be upset that Eliott kept this from him. All Eliott knew was that he had to get this huge secret off his chest. His hands trembled, he has had this conversation with many people but, no one mattered as much as Lucas.

He took a deep breath, gathering all his courage. “Lucas… There’s something about me I haven’t told you and I’m terrified that you’re going to leave me when I tell you.”

The way Eliott was behaving had Lucas worried. “Eliott… Talk to me.”

“I’m  _bipolar_ , Lucas.” Eliott looked down, apprehending Lucas’s reaction. « Lucille had a reason for always being so tough on me.. she just worried that I would get worst or have an episode. W-when I was 15, I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I went through a period of not going to school. I would stay in bed and not leave for  _days_. Then I would wake up one day and it was like everything was absolutely okay. Everything felt like it was going up and down, it confused me and messed me up. When I finally got diagnosed, Lucille was there for me. She helped work through it. I’m just broken I guess, that’s all it is,“ he said, choking up. ’‘Now that I told you, you can leave. They all do. I won’t hold you back.”

The big confession shocked Lucas.

He had noticed signs of stress and anxiety in Eliott before, he would’ve never guessed that he was bipolar. The news made Lucas want to take a few steps back, having had bad experience with mental illness in the past. It was tough on the brain and on the heart. Lucas had suffered so much because of his mom and her mental illness. He had shed so many tears because of her, he had spent so many nights trying to resonate with her when she was being delusional. She had sucked so much of his energy that Lucas had made himself a promise: staying away with anyone with mental illness.

Alas, it was impossible. He  _loved_  Eliott…and he loved his mom too. And, bipolar disorder wasn’t like schizophrenia. Eliott wasn’t going to tell him God sent him on Earth to save the world. Lucas had heard of bipolar disorder before but he didn’t know much about it beside the infamous mood swings.

He was afraid and he was lost, not knowing what to say to the love of his life. He didn’t know what this meant for their relationship but he knew that he couldn’t let his boy down.

With one glance at Eliott, Lucas sensed his fear. The fear Lucas was going to leave him because of his mental illness. So many people had left because of it, he wouldn’t blame Lucas if it was too much for him.

“I’m not going to leave,” he reassured. “I-I’m here and I love you and- Eliott?”

Tears were falling down Eliott’s face. After Lucas had told him he wanted to stay away from mentally ill people, Eliott had stepped back and drilled into his head that his disorder would get in the way of their love.

“I thought you would leave me,” Eliott said through his tears. “You said that you didn’t need mentally ill people in your life, Lucas. You said-”

Lucas winced, remembering that afternoon outside the classroom. “I’m deeply sorry I ever said that. I didn’t mean it, I-”

Eliott shook his head. “You don’t have to lie to me… I know I come with a lot of baggage. I’m just gonna make trouble for you and I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me. I could never do that you.”

Lucas leaned forward gently tilting Eliott’s chin so that he could look him in the eyes. “What you and I have, I wouldn’t give it up for the world. I fell in love with  _you_ _,_ Eliott, and this disorder isn’t going to change that. Maybe we’ll have to work around it. And, yes, maybe I’m a little scared, but you’ll teach me what to do, won’t you?”

Eliott shrugged wiping his eyes. “I still don’t know what to do with myself when I get like this. I can’t really teach you much. Sometimes it gets to a point where I’m so sad that I start to just feel numb…I don’t want you to see me like that. And today, it was starting to feel a little bit like that. It made me panic because it’s the first time that  _she_  isn’t here and I didn’t want to call  _her_. She would just give me another lecture about not being with you. She manipulated me so easily, sometimes it felt like she made all my decisions for me.”

Lucas pulled Eliott into his arms, his soft hair tickling his neck. It was rare that the roles were reversed but, this was nice. “I could never do that because, who am I to tell you what to do and how to live your life if I haven’t figured myself out, Eliott? I’m not here to dictate your life, I’m here to love you and support you and be there for you when you need me…just like you’re doing to me.”

“But, you promise to tell me if something is not ok with us right? If I do or say something wrong…I don’t want to hurt you.”

Lucas nodded. “I promise. And, in return, do you promise to tell me if you’re feeling sad or if I do anything that upsets you?”

It was Eliott’s turn to nod. “Don’t break my heart, Lucas.” His hold on Lucas tightened and Lucas kissed his face.

“I’ll try not to.”

They stayed there for a moment until Lucas got an idea. When he was a kid, he sometimes would get really anxious and, to make him relax, his mom would run him a warm bath. Maybe he could do that? It won’t cure his sadness but, it’ll help him relax.

Lucas shared his idea with Eliott and he seemed up to it. On one condition.

“Will you come in with me?” Eliott asked, a part of him still unsure and thinking Lucas will leave while he’s bathing. And, he wanted to be close to Lucas. He needed to be close to him, to  _feel_  him.

Lucas nodded. “I’ll even wash your hair.”


End file.
